And it hasn't been a good one.
I am in desperate need of a break, Dear God, for just a day or two, from all the incoming bad news and devastating horror.
My husband was removed from the transplant list. because the radiology specialists at the transplant facility felt that since he had small enlarged nodes near his lungs, that indicated probable metastasis and they won't transplant if there is cancer anywhere but the liver. They referred him back to his liver doctor here in town for referral to an oncologist.
So, on wednesday, we went to see the liver doctor here. He told my husband that these tumors that occur in diseased livers are of the same type always, are aggressive, and frequently get into the blood. He said it can be treated but that the treatment causes a very severe rash. He also said that if it had truly metastasized to the lungs, they "might not be able to treat that" but that we would have to ask the oncologist. He also opined that untreated he might have 6 to 12 months to live--treated he might have double that. But again, ask the oncologist.
This was so heartbreaking for us both. We had both been hoping for some hope.
He also is referring us to a new transplant facility in Dallas for a second opinion.
Right now I am flattened with exhaustion, terror and extreme anxiety--yet I have to keep everything going and start learning how to do all the things I have never done before.
Today, I had an appointment with my priest to talk. However, he for whatever reason was not there today. I ended up going to sit in the Marian shrine near our church. There was another person there--a man who looked like he had been weeping. I asked him if he was alright, and he told me his wife of 16 years had asked him out for coffee this morning and dumped divorce papers in his lap, totally unexpectedly. She told him she had found someone else and that he needed to get out. He told me they had a 12 year old son at home.
He said he was utterly broken inside and had no idea what to do. He was raised a Catholic but had been away from the Church for 25 years. Yet, he was driving past our church that day and felt drawn to come in. He had spent some time in the Tabernacle and then outside with Mary, where I often go when I need a good cry. He said he felt like putting a bullet through his head.
I told him I was familiar with that feeling of utter despair and fear, and of being blindsided with something. We were both reeling, and yet had both come to church instinctively.
I think after we talked he was feeling a little bit better and was open to the idea of returning to the Church again. Please lift up a prayer for him as well. And thank you for your continuing prayers for my family.